What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
