Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
