drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
