It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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