you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my shit smells like andre
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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