All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
