Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize