i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
