everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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