We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
