If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
