noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
