I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
