it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
