I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize