I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
