i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
