I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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