he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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