Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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