I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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