my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
