The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
