just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
