So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I want her autograph on my taint
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
