Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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