Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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