No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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