you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
