found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
