Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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