Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
