Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
