you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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