what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
