Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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