I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
