If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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