it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
