Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
