I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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