Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
