i barfeds in our rink
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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