I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
