community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
