walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
