Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
