My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
