At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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