Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
