I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
