I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize