Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
