We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
