Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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