Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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