you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
