But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize