the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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