just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he fucked my hip out of place.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
