I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
