Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
