I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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