I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
