I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
