Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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