My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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