Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
