Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
porn star boner night. come get it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
