Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
