The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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