Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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