Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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