hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
