I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the day after is always just damage control
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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