I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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