i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You dont lie about slip and slides
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
