I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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