Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
