i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
