Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
