the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
