i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
