I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
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