ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
