first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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